Barbie & The Monologue

I recently took my 14-year-old daughter to see "Barbie." Frankly, it wasn't the masterpiece I hoped it would be. I know that isn't a popular opinion. But it didn't salvage the self-worth I lost during my childhood years comparing myself to her "perfection." And I fully acknowledge that aspiration is more than I should have hoped for from a movie, particularly one out of Hollywood. Still, I found the movie to be one part-funny, one part-nostalgia, one part-painful, & one part-sad.

All of it, however, was saved by this brilliant monologue delivered by America Ferrera. It literally brought me to tears during the movie. "All the feels," as those kids say today. (Get off my lawn!) America absolutely nails how difficult, how hopeless, how infuriating it is to try to do & be everything society wants from us.

The reality is that today's American woman is expected to be even more perfect than the standard set by Barbie for my generation of girls in the 1970s and 1980s. There is pressure to be everything to everybody. And that pressure is put upon us by men, yes, but also by other women, & by ourselves. Somewhere along the way, I've internalized it all & the voice in my head, has become my own. More on that later...

Meanwhile, read these brilliant words, by a brilliant writer, delivered brilliantly by a brilliant actress. In my opinion, she deserves an Oscar for these lines alone.

It is literally impossible to be a woman. ... Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow, we’re always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin.

You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass.

You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas.

You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time.

You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.

You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful.

But never forget that the system is rigged. So, find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.

You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.

It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you!

And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us.

For more thoughts on the futility of being a "good woman" in America, check out this LA Times article by Yvonne Villarreal. Read full America Ferrera monologue from 'Barbie' movie - Los Angeles Times (latimes.com)

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