No, he really did. After my third divorce, I had dinner with John, a man who had been my first real boyfriend in high school, ... well, that's another story. But, so you don't vilify him right off the bat, please remember we had dated in the 80's, long before the internet & its plethora of information on sex. & we were both virgins.

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So, when he arrived for our dinner date, we were now in our 40s & both divorced. And John presented me with a gift. My first vibrator. He said it was to make up for "not knowing what a clit was" when we were kids...

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The short version is that my new battery-operated friend & I became very close. Until one day when I did not put it away in its proper drawer & my dog decided it would make a better chew toy than personal toy.

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It seemed an apt illustration of my life & thus the name of this blog. Yes, I immediately replaced it. & yes, I've retired a few since then. See, John not only introduced me to the idea of romantic love when we were kids, but his gift introduced me to a level of self-love I'd never allowed myself. Because that little purple piece of rubber & electronics was a gateway to all sorts of self-understanding & forgiveness that I'd never explored before.​

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So here is where I write my thoughts about my relationships, with myself, with men (past & present), & with family. These posts will also likely be littered with my theories & thoughts on parenting, work-life balance, & what it's like to be an older-ish woman in this world. 

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I dedicate this blog, well, to myself & my well-being. But also, to my daughter, A.E. Please learn from your mother’s mistakes. Please. Also, to the girlfriends who supported me through all of these struggles & beyond. You know who you are.

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I thank you for visiting, reading, & not judging me any more than I judge myself. & I thank you for letting me humiliate myself by writing about it all.

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~ M.D.A.M.V.

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